"Another day at the bottom of the ocean," he said to no one in particular. Then he sighed a big sigh and said, "I hate being a rock."
Of course, that was not always entirely true. Sometimes he hated being a rock. Sometimes it made him so angry he wanted to cry. Other times he just accepted it.
"There is nothing I can do," he would say to himself. "I can't swim or jump or play. That's for the fish. All I can do it sit here."
And so he sat. Sometimes he looked up at the fish and watched them. On those days he would think of his mother. She was so beautiful. She was always dancing and sparkling in the water. He missed her. He missed the feeling he had when he was with her. Other days he buried his head in the sand and tried to forget that he ever had a mother or that there were fish swimming and playing around him. On those days, it seemed easier to believe that there was nothing in the ocean besides sand and water and rocks.
"Excuse me," said a voice.
Darin was startled. He turned to find a giant tortoise slowly swimming toward him.
Then he looked around to make sure the tortoise was really talking to him. No one ever spoke to rocks.
"Yes, you, child." The tortoise swam closer.
"Can you tell me how to get to Coral Ridge?"
"Um, yeah," said Darin. The stupid tortoise just needed directions. "You're almost there. Do you see that big patch of coral next to the big flat rock?"
The tortoise nodded.
"Just beyond that there is a big dip in the ocean floor. That's what they call Coral Ridge."
"Thank you," said the tortoise. "Thank you...?"
"Darin."
"Thank you, Darin."
The tortoise started to leave, but then he stopped and looked at Darin curiously. Peering. As if he could see deep into Darin's soul.
Darin shuddered. There was something uncomfortable about being looked at like this, and he wanted the tortoise to be on his way as quickly as possible. "OK, well, good luck. Bye! Ta-ta! See ya!," he said fidgeting. And he turned his head, hoping the tortoise would get the message.
But the tortoise didn't go. He looked from Darin, to the coral beyond, and back to Darin again, and said, "Oh, I see. Yes, well, that is quite a distance. Do you mind if I rest for a moment, Darin? You see, I am very old. I need to gather my strength."
Quite a distance? thought Darin. The old man must be crazy! It's just over there, for Pete's sake! It would take no time at all to swim there. Anyone could do it. Sheesh.
But all he said was, "Whatever." And as he buried his head back in the sand, he added, "Don't mind me. I'll be right here. I never go anywhere."
"Oh really?" said the tortoise. "Why is it that you never go anywhere?"
Darin looked at him like he was crazy. Was this a joke or had the old tortoise lost his marbles?
"Um..." Darin struggled with how to word this. He didn't want to be rude, but the question was so ridiculously obvious that it was difficult to refrain from rolling his eyes.
"Because I'm a rock, and rocks just lie at the bottom of the ocean." And in his mind, he added, Duh!
"I see," said the tortoise, peering deeply at him again. "And what makes you think you are a rock?"
This time, Darin nearly lost it. The old tortoise must have spent too much time on the surface. Clearly, the sun had fried his brain!
With all the restraint he could muster, Darin replied, "Because I don't do anything but sink. I can't swim like a fish. I can't crawl like a crab. I don't even sway like the seaweed. All I can do is sit here. Not moving. Not going anywhere. Not doing anything!"
Darin was fighting back tears. Why wouldn't the tortoise just leave him alone? Coral Ridge is right over there. Even he could make it there if he really wanted to, and he's a rock! Just go away! Go away! he thought. But he held his tongue.
"Interesting. I don't usually make it a habit to talk to rocks," said the old tortoise with a twinkle in his eye. "I find they do not often answer me."
"Well, this one did," Darin said with clenched teeth, wishing desperately that he hadn't.
Many minutes passed. Darin shut his eyes, hoping that when he opened them again, the old tortoise would be gone. But he wasn't.
"Darin?" the tortoise said finally.
"What," said Darin, beginning to realize that the tortoise was not going to go away.
"If you are a rock and have always been lying here at the bottom of the ocean, how do you know about Coral Ridge?"
Darin started.
"What?" He tried to wrap his head around the question. "I don't know. I mean, um, maybe I heard someone else talking about it. Yeah. Now that I think about it, it must have been my mother."
"Your mother?"
"Yeah. My mother was a beautiful swimmer. I'm sure she swam over there and told me about it. That's it."
"Your mother."
"Yes, my mother. What about it?"
Here it was again. That stare. What was the crazy old tortoise looking at?
"What else do you remember about your mother?"
Darin sighed. He didn't really want to talk about it.
"I remember swimming together. Darting in and out of the rocks. Playing hide and seek," and added in his mind, My mom was a lot of fun. I loved being around her. Sometimes when Darin thought about his mother, it made him happy. He had such good memories. Other times, it made him sad. He missed her so much. Now, as he talked to the tortoise about her, he was guarded. These memories were all he had. He wanted to protect them from this intruder.
"You remember swimming?" said the tortoise.
"Yes," said Darin. Now he was both guarded and annoyed.
"Swimming," said the tortoise.
"Yes!" said Darin. He wanted to scream! Leave me alone! Go away! Get out of here! Go back where you came from or over to Coral Ridge or whatever! Just leave me in peace!!!
The tortoise looked him in the eye. Piercing.
"Darin," said the tortoise. "How does a rock swim?"
Darin stopped in his tracks. His brain did a flip-flop. Wait, was he...? No. As quickly as it opened, he shut it down.
"Oh, yeah, no..I mean..." He fumbled for the words. "It must have been a dream."
Was it a dream? Now he wasn't sure.
A few more minutes passed. It seemed like an eternity to Darin. Then...
"Darin," said the wise old tortoise, never altering his gaze, "You know you are not a rock. You know you're something more than that, don't you? But you can't quite put your finger on it."
Darin hung his head and choked back a tear. He thought about all the times he had hoped he was not a rock. All the times he had wanted to be something else--thought maybe he was something else. But the evidence was everywhere. He couldn't float. He couldn't swim. He couldn't do anything but sink.
It did seem strange, however, that he knew about Coral Ridge. That he had a mother. That he remembered swimming with her. That he could talk, even. What rock can do that?
"Darin," said the wise tortoise, "What if...and I'd like you to think about this carefully...what if you really were a fish? What if the only reason you can't seem to float or swim is that something is holding you down?"
Darin thought about this possibility. Could it be true? It was an intriguing idea, if nothing else. He tried to squash the hopefulness he felt, then cautiously he asked, "What would be holding me down?"
The wise tortoise said, "I don't know. When did you stop swimming?"
Darin remembered his mother dying. She had been sick for awhile, and so for the last few days of her life they had laid low together on the ocean floor. One day, she had arranged for a friend to bring Darin a present. It was a beautiful brass nameplate. An octopus had picked it up for her from the coral reef where she had grown up, and she said it would help him always remember who he was. Now it lay half buried in the sand near where Darin spent his days and nights. "DARIN" was all that could be seen poking up from the floor. At least he never forgot his name...
After his mother died, Darin stayed down on the ocean floor for awhile. Eventually, though, he swam up to join the other fish. But he found that he didn't know how to get along with them. It was awkward and uncomfortable, and so he sank down again. Once, he accidentally bumped into an anemone and nearly died. It's not safe to swim around, he thought. It would be best if I didn't move at all.
Almost as if the wise tortoise could read his mind, he said gently, "You see, Darin, you just forgot. You've been lying on the ocean floor so long that you forgot who you really are. You forgot that you were meant to be dancing and swimming and playing, and darting in and out of the rocks. You thought you were a rock, when really, you are a beautiful fish kept on the ocean floor only by one thing--the weight of the thoughts that brought you down."
"So I need to think different thoughts--thoughts that are lighter and will carry me up to the surface?"
"No, not at all," said the wise old tortoise. "That would just make you a rock with a life preserver. Take off the life vest, and you would sink right back down."
"So what do I do, then?" said Darin. "How do I stop? How do I stop lying here? How do I swim?"
The wise tortoise looked at him. That piercing stare no longer seemed unsettling. Instead, it brought a sense of deep calm. It seemed for the first time since his mother died that someone truly cared about him. Someone could really see him. Someone could see the Darin that he himself had forgotten was there.
"My dear," said the tortoise. "You already have."
Darin looked around him. He was no longer sitting on the ocean floor. He was floating! He was swimming! He thought his heart was going to jump right out of his chest.
"How am I doing this?" said Darin, still amazed.
"It's who you are," said the tortoise kindly. "All you have to do is remember. Remember who you are. Remember that the only thing keeping you down is your own thought, and everything else will come naturally. Now, I really must be headed to Coral Ridge. I am expected."
"But wait--what if I forget again? What if I go back to thinking I'm a rock?"
"Oh, I don't think you will," said the tortoise.
"But how do you know?" said Darin.
The wise old tortoise said nothing. But as he turned to go, his front flipper caught the edge of the brass nameplate that Darin's mother had given to him as she lay dying. A gift "so that you will always remember who you are," she had said.
The nameplate that for years had lain half buried in the sand, had been kicked up into the water, and was now floating to a new resting place on the flat surface of the sea. The nameplate that read:
MANDARIN
The World's Most Beautiful Fish
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